Nice Guy- What does nice guy do?
The following is a breakdown of the behaviors that nice guys
not only do, but a breakdown of what they do on an every day basis.
This is necessary to address because it is a major reason of why 'nice
guys' typically don't get the girl.
1) Behavior Matching : A 'nice guy' tries to match a woman's
motion and her body language. On a date, he tries to match what she
is doing and talk about subjects that she is interested in.
Subconsciously, he is in her frame and seeking her approval by
What Steve would do: Break a pattern, if she is talking about
work on a date, draw an imaginary line with your finger and say
"This is a no work talk zone, once we are here, we don't talk about
work." This is a very powerful and simple way to stay away from
subjects that are not interesting and that shouldn't be in the
conversation in the first place. Bring up other topics. Flow with
conversation but don't be afraid to initiate new topics if the ones you
are talking about do not interest you.
2) Conform to the Norm: Another major aspect of nice guy
behavior is trying to seem normal. What does normal mean? Normal
means ordinary. In fact, almost every guy wants to seem normal to a
girl because that's what she wants. Or does she? The 'nice guys
finish last' phrase is a bit inaccurate. When it comes to success with
women, nice guys just don't finish. When a nice guy is out on a date
with a woman and conforms to the norm (meaning he would not talk
about a subject that he would otherwise want to talk about), he will
not bring up something original or unusual into the conversation.
Even when he has something interesting to say, he fears that he
might spook the girl. This is because a 'nice guy' wants the woman
to think of him as ordinary but she will only think of him as being
uninteresting. This conformity doesn't bring any tension or
excitement. This is how a 'nice guy' becomes just a friend.
What Steve would do: Talking about his pet cat, his hatred
towards American Idol and those who are fans of the show, his
battle with mice for the ownership of his apartment, smoking Hooka,
his week long hiking trip, he would make fun of a girl for
mispronouncing the word "agronomy".
3) Self promotion : Nice guys tend to talk a lot about their own
achievements or try to show their importance/wealth even when the
Park Bench Dating
conversation doesn't lead into it. Any attempt to touch on a financial
or power topic (fancy job, promotion, having power over people)
without conversation naturally arriving there will lead the women to
think of you as someone who is trying to impress. This will result in
your quick entry into the friend zone.
What Steve would do: Don't flaunt how much money you
make. Don't bring up your big car or boat. Unless you are trying to
score a gold digger. Money is irrelevant as long as you are not
extremely cheap. Skip this subject all together, unless she brings up
any topics about luxurious items into conversation. The conversation
has to have a natural flow and boasting does not count as such. Don't
be afraid to bring up subjects that you care about such as your
passion, your interests and hobbies. For the most part, strange
hobbies are good to talk about. Exciting hobbies are even
better. However, if you speak about a hobby that women might find
tedious (such as stamp collecting), don't mention it until few dates
down the road unless you've got an amazingly passionate story to go
4)Flattering : Nice guys tend to compliment and flatter too
much. This is a man's way of trying to be liked. Flattery is the most
common opener that guys use to approach women in the day time.
The other day, I saw a guy standing near a lamp post and as a cute
Spanish girl was passing by him, he said: "I like how you walk."
Without showing any reaction and without slowing down, she said
"Thank you.", which sounded more like growl. He continued to talk
all kinds of stuff even when she was already way passed him. Don't
be that guy. A simple reason why flattery doesn't work is because if
she is a good looking girl, she probably gets dozens of compliments
every day, if she is very hot, make it two dozen. Women no longer
take flattery as a compliment. Compliment have to be genuine and
be used as a reward for her behaviour, rather then trying to use it as
buying her attention.
What Steve would do: He wouldn't compliment a woman, unless
she had done something that was really cool, such as: knitting,
being a member of a band, doing charity work, being an avid
camper, etc. Things he really finds cool. He would not compliment
her on her appearance until after they had sex. Women get
compliments all the time and flattery is one of the easiest
conversation starters. It is also one of the least effective conversation
starters. On a date, don't give more than one compliment and it
shouldn't be about looks, but about personality because that will
make her wonder if you find her attractive. In other words, the
tension is rising. Let’s say she plays the guitar. Ask her what made
her want to begin to learn how to play the guitar and what motivated
her to start in the first place. Feel free to tell her that her drive to
learn how to play guitar is really cool. This is the kind of
compliment that you can and should give. However, it is still better
to limit yourself to only one compliment during the first few dates.
Persistence doesn't get you the girl. What does get you a girl is
unpredictability. A 'nice guy' is very predictable, through a number
of ways. Women know that nice guys will always call so there is no
tension or surprise when nice guys do call. A nice guy is always
there when a girl wants to see him and he is always ready to lend
a helping hand even when it's tough for him to do so. He also doesn't
say "NO", he is always a "YES" man. Nice guys are as predictable
and are as exciting as white bread.
What Steve would do: Not follow specific intervals in text
messages, sometimes he would reply in a few minutes, some times
in a few days. Call at different times, sometimes afternoons,
sometimes evenings. His time is important and he does not have
time to waste it on unconfirmed dates or appointments. He will
never agree to meeting unless it is set in stone: there are no calls on
the same day to confirm. He is willing to walk away if he feels that
games are being played. There is no need to play games. He will not
offer to help in the hope to get on a woman's good side. He will only
help when he wants to help. He will make a date when it fits his
schedule. He won't go out of his way to set up a date. He often
doesn't tell a woman what they will do on a date. He will just tell her
where to meet.